Teens and Dating - What Exactly Does "Hanging Out" Mean Anyway?

When approaching my husband and I about dating one of the questions we were asked was "Could we hang out".  And then again my son would ask, "mom can we hang out?  she just wants to hang out". 

So, being the clever mom I am I asked him "What exactly does hanging out mean anyway?"

My sons response, "I don't know". 

If you do not know what hanging out means or what you will be doing while hanging out then why in the world do you think we would allow you to do it? 

Hanging out could mean: 

sitting on the couch watching tv

taking a walk

playing a video game

going to the movies
spending time with friends or family

Or it could mean the following possibly combined with any of the above possibilities:

sitting on couch alone together

holding hands

hugging

cuddling

kissing

inappropriate touching

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT ELSE IT COULD MEAN!

I am a mom but what our children forget is that we were once teenagers too.  The same wants, desires and temptations existed then and I see from the end looking backwards where I went wrong.  I see decisions that I made that were not good in any way, not honoring of my parents and definitely not Glorifying to God.  I know what can happen when innocent "hanging out" is the plan.  I am sure that many of you do too.

It is our job as parents to protect our children.  To keep them from harm.  To help them not make the same bad decisions and mistakes that some of us made before them.  Hormones are running wild in teenagers - so wild they are unable to think straight and make good decisions.  It is my job as a mom to help them make good choices.

Please don't take me wrong, it is not that I don't trust my children.  I believe my son when he says he wouldn't do anything he shouldn't BUT I am not so naive to think that things can't just happen.  I believe what he says (he believes it too), but having never been in a situation he doesn't know or fully understand what he is telling me he won't do. 

Do you allow your teens to just "hang out" with their boyfriend or girlfriend?

Read more posts about Teens and Dating by clicking below.

Teens and Dating - Throw Away Relationship
Teens and Dating - Group Dating Verses Double Dating
Teens and Dating - When is it ok?

Teens and Dating - The Throw Away Relationship

Why do parents think it is ok for their teenagers to have multiple relationships filled with fighting, heartache, pain and breakups?

I know that some people who date as teenagers do stay together and get married and lead long, healthy and prosperous lives BUT in a country where the Divorce rate even among Christian couples is over 50 % the chances of this happening are frankly slim to none. 

I was a teen that dated in high school.  I dated one guy primarily for most of my high school career.  Did I suffer through countless fights, heartaches, pains and breakups?  YES, yes I did.  Am I married to that person today?  No, no I am not.  Thank You JESUS!

It is socially acceptable today to date many people and when you are tired of them or disagree with them to just break up and throw that relationship away.  This teaches our children and teens that when times get tough or situations that are hard arise it's ok to walk away.  It's ok to leave.  It's ok to move on to someone else.  Someone prettier, healthier, wealthier, smarter,....

It sets their hearts up for a throw away relationship later in life.  I am not suggesting that all teens who date many people then get married will end up in divorce by no means.  I am one of those teens and I am happily married to my best friend.  The man God placed in my life.  He is stuck with me for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, in skinniness and fatness, with beautiful hair and hair that's turning grey. 

But it does send the message that when you don't get along it's ok to move on.  Why not just wait and PRAY.  Pray for God to send you the right person when it's time and COMMIT to staying pure in mind, heart, body and spirit until that person presents his/herself to you.

Why not teach our children to pray for their future spouses?  To pray that they also stay pure in mind, heart, body and spirit until the time when God puts them together so that neither of them carry the hurt, pain and baggage from previous relationships into the new one.

Do you pray for your childrens future spouse?  I have to admit this used to be a concept I thought was crazy because who's thinking about your children getting married when they are babies or toddlers or better yet when they are in your womb?  God is.  He has all of their days planned out already.  If He thinks it's important we probably should too.

Psalm 139:13  For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Jerimiah 1:5  Before I formed you in the womb I knew^[a] you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

More on Teens and Dating:
Group Dating Verses Double Dating
When is it ok?

Teens and Dating - Group Dating Verses Double Dating

What's the difference anyway?

I recently did a post on Teens and Dating - When is it ok?  If you read that post you will know that we do not think young teens are emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally mature enough to go out on dates.   

When my son figured out (for the moment because I am sure he will ask us more in the future) but when he figured out that we were not giving in to him "hanging out" or going on a date to the movies with his "girl friend" he began asking about group dating.  Group dating because his dad and I have told him when he is a little older that we would be ok with him going on a "group date".  I explained to him that we did not mean he could group date right now - again he is only 14 - but that in the future before he is allowed to really date we would consider "group dating" with some close friends.  He continued on in his asking and I began to see what it was that he thought, assumed, hoped group dating was. 

To my son and probably many other young teens out there to go on a group date meant him, his girlfriend and another couple they were friends with.  Huh? No, No, NO, NO!  That is a DOUBLE DATE I told him.  A double date is when a group of 4 friends who happen to be 2 sets of couples go out on a date. 

A Group Date is when a group of friends, emotionally unattached to each other except in friendship go somewhere together and spend time as friends having fun.  A group of friends that love each other as if they were brothers and sisters.

Moms, help me out here - Do you see a difference in a double date and a group date?  Do you allow your children to Group Date?  If so, what age did you start allowing this?

Teens and Dating - When is it ok?

When is it ok for Teens to Date?

Here are some of my thoughts.

Did you know that I can not find one place in the Bible that talks about dating without the intent to get married.  Recreational dating obviously is something that we have created in the last however many years.  I research my genealogy as a hobby and I really don't think that my ancestors from the 1700 and 1800's dated for fun.  They dated (very briefly) then got married.  They didn't date one person and move on to someone else - They dated with a purpose.  They dated, got married and started a family.  Women were homemakers and the men were farmers (at least in my family).

I am writing this post because we are in this stage of parenting right now with my oldest who will soon be 15 years old.  He, over the past couple of months has "gotten a girlfriend".  I use those words very lightly because he only sees her at school.  We do not allow him to date.  Over the past couple of months they have "broken up" and now have gotten back together.   My husband and I have told him he can't date until he is at least 16 and even then we will have to discuss it. 

Here are some reasons why teens should not date:

* Should be focusing on building their relationship with God.
* School is too important - Grades will suffer when your focus is elsewhere. 
* Not mature enough to make wise decisions.
* Teens do not know or understand what love is.
* I don't even want to talk about hormones. 
* No money for the date.  Am I supposed to pay for it?  I don't think so.
* Dating brings on emotions and feelings that teens are not equipped to handle.

I find more and more that parents are promoting this.  Many parents think sending their young teens off on dates is perfectly acceptable.  After all, teen will be teens.

NOT MY TEEN!  Not if I can possibly help it.  My children are set apart.  They are different.  They are here for a purpose.  God has a plan for each one of them.  I am supposed to be a good Steward over these children God has placed in my care. 

I know that some of you will think we are mean or silly but I believe with everything in me that teens should be having fun and enjoying their friends in high school.  They should be focused on other things that will actually make a difference in their future.  There is plenty of time to date and settle down.  I do one day want my children to get married - that's sort of what my job is for - preparing them for real life but I am in no hurry and they shouldn't be either. 

How about you?  Do you have or have you had teenagers?  How did you deal with the dating thing?

To Read More On Teens and Dating You can check out my post titled Teens and Dating - Group vs. Double Date