"You shouldn't feel that way" is an inside joke between my husband and I. We can laugh and joke about it now because time has passed and God is healing the hurt in our hearts. Now, when he and I are talking to each other and expressing our feelings the other one will quickly reply "Well, you know you shouldn't feel that way".
Feelings are: something felt emotionally, a perceived emotional state.
Perceive means: to understand or comprehend, to understand or interpret something in a particular way
In other words, YOUR feelings are the way you perceive or comprehend something. So, someone else that is not going through what you are or feeling the way you are can't tell you that you shouldn't be feeling that way because in reality they do not understand how you feel or how you are perceiving a situation.
Several years ago my husband was expressing some feelings he was having to someone very close to him. Someone who loves him and is a fellow Christian. He was looking for some compassion and understanding. My husband opened himself up and shared from his heart some hurt, aggravation and disappointment that he had inside and the response from this person to him was a casual "you shouldn't feel that way".
Our feelings are important. They may not be founded in truth but the way we feel inside is important and does have meaning at that particular time in your life. When someone makes hurtful comments like "you shouldn't feel that way" it gives the impression that we are not important and neither are our feelings.
Feelings are the way we perceive things to be and they are important but God's word is TRUTH in and for all situations and we need to remember that.
Psalm 33:4 says For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.
2 Samuel 22:31 says As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.
When we feel like we have nobody that loves us:
God's truth says: John 3:16 For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.
When we feel alone and like we have no friends:
God's truth says: Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
When we feel abandoned:
God's truth says: Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
When someone comes to you and shares their feelings of hurt and disappointment don't "down play" them and act like they are silly for feeling the way they do. But rather encourage them and speak life into them by sharing what God's Word says and show compassion. Say something like "I am sorry that your feelings are hurt or that you are feeling that way. Please know that is not the truth and that you are loved and important and I care about the way you feel. What can I do to help make the situation better? May I pray for you?"
Has anyone ever made "light" of you and your feelings? How did you deal with it?