"You Shouldn't Feel That Way"

"You shouldn't feel that way" is an inside joke between my husband and I.  We can laugh and joke about it now because time has passed and God is healing the hurt in our hearts.  Now, when he and I are talking to each other and expressing our feelings the other one will quickly reply "Well, you know you shouldn't feel that way". 

Feelings are:  something felt emotionally, a perceived emotional state.

Perceive means: to understand or comprehend, to understand or interpret something in a particular way

In other words, YOUR feelings are the way you perceive or comprehend something.  So, someone else that is not going through what you are or feeling the way you are can't tell you that you shouldn't be feeling that way because in reality they do not understand how you feel or how you are perceiving a situation.

Several years ago my husband was expressing some feelings he was having to someone very close to him.  Someone who loves him and is a fellow Christian.  He was looking for some compassion and understanding.  My husband opened himself up and shared from his heart some hurt, aggravation and disappointment that he had inside and the response from this person to him was a casual "you shouldn't feel that way".

Our feelings are important.  They may not be founded in truth but the way we feel inside is important and does have meaning at that particular time in your life.  When someone makes hurtful comments like "you shouldn't feel that way"  it gives the impression that we are not important and neither are our feelings. 

Feelings are the way we perceive things to be and they are important but God's word is TRUTH in and for all situations and we need to remember that. 

Psalm 33:4 says For the word of the Lord is right and true;  he is faithful in all he does.

2 Samuel 22:31 says  As for God, his way is perfect:  The Lord’s word is flawless;  he shields all who take refuge in him.

When we feel like we have nobody that loves us:
God's truth says:  John 3:16  For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.

When we feel alone and like we have no friends:
God's truth says:  Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,  but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

When we feel abandoned:
God's truth says:  Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

When someone comes to you and shares their feelings of hurt and disappointment don't "down play" them and act like they are silly for feeling the way they do.  But rather encourage them and speak life into them by sharing what God's Word says and show compassion.  Say something like "I am sorry that your feelings are hurt or that you are feeling that way.  Please know that is not the truth and that you are loved and important and I care about the way you feel.  What can I do to help make the situation better?  May I pray for you?"

Has anyone ever made "light" of you and your feelings?  How did you deal with it?


  1. This is so true. I've had people to actually say, "well, if you feel that way that's your problem. Nothing I can do to change that." This can be just as dismissing and perhaps even more hurtful.

    On the other hand, we must be diligent to take all thoughts captive for Christ. We must evaluate our own feelings and see if they match up with God's Word. We must recognize when Satan tries to use our emotions to tear us down or diminish our witness. We must learn to discern what is our fleshly emotions and what is the leading of the Holy Spirit.

    Thanks for the beautiful post.


  2. Thanks for the inspiring words. I can always use fresh reminders that God is the true source of peace, comfort and joy. Its a releif to know that HE always understands, and that I need to be more understanding of others struggles. Thank you!

  3. Love this! It is important to seek truth, and to compare that with our feelings, but so few people actually take time to validate the person behind the feelings as well. Thanks for sharing :)


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