Teens and Dating - The Throw Away Relationship

Why do parents think it is ok for their teenagers to have multiple relationships filled with fighting, heartache, pain and breakups?

I know that some people who date as teenagers do stay together and get married and lead long, healthy and prosperous lives BUT in a country where the Divorce rate even among Christian couples is over 50 % the chances of this happening are frankly slim to none. 

I was a teen that dated in high school.  I dated one guy primarily for most of my high school career.  Did I suffer through countless fights, heartaches, pains and breakups?  YES, yes I did.  Am I married to that person today?  No, no I am not.  Thank You JESUS!

It is socially acceptable today to date many people and when you are tired of them or disagree with them to just break up and throw that relationship away.  This teaches our children and teens that when times get tough or situations that are hard arise it's ok to walk away.  It's ok to leave.  It's ok to move on to someone else.  Someone prettier, healthier, wealthier, smarter,....

It sets their hearts up for a throw away relationship later in life.  I am not suggesting that all teens who date many people then get married will end up in divorce by no means.  I am one of those teens and I am happily married to my best friend.  The man God placed in my life.  He is stuck with me for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, in skinniness and fatness, with beautiful hair and hair that's turning grey. 

But it does send the message that when you don't get along it's ok to move on.  Why not just wait and PRAY.  Pray for God to send you the right person when it's time and COMMIT to staying pure in mind, heart, body and spirit until that person presents his/herself to you.

Why not teach our children to pray for their future spouses?  To pray that they also stay pure in mind, heart, body and spirit until the time when God puts them together so that neither of them carry the hurt, pain and baggage from previous relationships into the new one.

Do you pray for your childrens future spouse?  I have to admit this used to be a concept I thought was crazy because who's thinking about your children getting married when they are babies or toddlers or better yet when they are in your womb?  God is.  He has all of their days planned out already.  If He thinks it's important we probably should too.

Psalm 139:13  For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Jerimiah 1:5  Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.

More on Teens and Dating:
Group Dating Verses Double Dating
When is it ok?


10 comments:

  1. Jen - this is a great post! I have been praying for our kids' spouses for a while now (they are 3 and 1). :) I was raised an atheist, so yea, I dated a lot... and you're absolutely right, it teaches kids that they can just pick up and leave. I tried to make a bad relationship work through high school and most of college, though, because I wanted to undo a bad reputation of loving and leaving... yes, I, too, am thankful -- oh so thankful -- that I did not marry him and that God led me to my amazing man. :) (Joining you from The Better Mom linkup :)).

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    1. April, thank you for stopping by. Wow, raised an atheist and now serving God. What a great testimony. I am thankful with you for our amazing godly husbands!

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  2. My oldest is now engaged to be married and recently I realized that all those years of praying for his future spouse was actually spent praying for HER.

    Yes, I have been praying for their future spouses ever since they were little. I have to admit that while I pray for my children every day, I have not prayed for their future spouses every single day. But I have prayed for them a lot over the years.

    I dated several boys before I got married. We are close friends with two of my old boyfriends and their families (our kids are friends too) and I am good friends with their wives. My husband and I are friends with his old girlfriend.

    I told my kids that when you date someone and are honor them in your relationship, keep pure and don't defraud, you are able to keep those friendships.

    Thanks for linking up to the "Making Your Home Sing Monday" linky party today! :)

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    1. Nan, I too am friends (or at least friendly) with the young man I dated all through high school. We had a chance a few years back to apologize to each other for the past and move forward.
      You are right, you were praying for HER. I have said before to my husband how I am amazed at how I have turned out because I don't know if my mom ever prayed for me and he quickly commented that his mother prayed for me. Not that she knew me but that she was praying for him and his future and God knew I was a part of his future.

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  3. We teach our girls that dating is for after marriage, and they love the idea

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    1. Val, that's good! lol I like that. :)

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  4. I agree with you completely..the dating game brings heartache and desensitizes them to broken relationships. I do and did pray for my children's future spouses.

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    1. I am so glad to hear of other parents that are praying for their childrens spouses.

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  5. While I agree with your point, that teen dating drama with many people could lead to the idea later on that it's ok to throw away relationships, I think the issue is that teens shouldn't get so deeply involved in romantic relationships at such a young age and before they are at a point in life to be thinking about a serious life commitment. But some teens are very anxious to experience a dating relationship and at some point by young adulthood they will want to begin the search for a spouse. There can be abuse in teen and young adult relationships these days and I wouldn't want to stress fixing relationships over exiting a relationship that is unhealthy and unsafe. Hopefully parents can help their children to learn how to be discerning when choosing, but sometimes there are people who aren't what you think they are. Even girls from wonderful families can end up seeing boys who are deceitful and abusive. I just think it's important that they know they have the ability to end that relationship before it becomes permanent.

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    1. Chrissy, I agree and I would NEVER expect someone - a teen or an adult to stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Part of our jobs as parents is to help avoid these kind of relationships by doing exactly what you said (discerning) good from bad. That is why I encouragae everyone to pray for their children, nieces, nephews, friends children, etc.. that God would show them the right person they are to be with. I wish this would have been my case as a teen and I would have avoided several years of a not so great dating relationship with someone that God never intended me to be with in the first place. Thanks for commenting.

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